They spread like the swine flu, and are just as awesome. I chopped the last question off where it guilts you into re-posting in the hopes that it doesn't spread any further. :uP

1) Are you currently in a serious relationship?

2) What was your dream growing up?

3) What talent do you wish you had?

4) If I bought you a drink what would it be?

5) Favorite vegetable?

6) What was the last book you read?

7) What zodiac sign are you?

8) Any Tattoos and/or Piercings? Explain where.

9) Worst Habit?

10) If you saw me walking down the street would you offer me a ride?

11) What is your favorite sport?

12) Do you have a Negative or Optimistic attitude?

13) What would you do if you were stuck in an elevator with me?

14) Worst thing to ever happen to you?

15) Tell me one weird fact about you.

16) Do you have any pets?

17) What if i showed up at your house unexpectedly?

18) What was your first impression of me? (hmmm...careful!)

19) Do you think clowns are cute or scary?

20) If you could change one thing about how you look, what would it be?

21) Would you be my crime partner or my conscience?

22) What color eyes do you have?

23) Ever been arrested?

24) Bottle or can soda?

25) If you won $10,000 today, what would you do with it?

27) What's your favorite place to hang at?

28) Do you believe in ghosts?

29) Favorite thing to do in your spare time?

30) Do you swear a lot?

31) Biggest pet peeve?

32) In one word, how would you describe yourself?

33) Do you believe/appreciate romance?

35) Do you believe in God?

• 15:48 Holy shit, I think I have some serious subconscious emotional problems. #

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So, I'm so fucking sick of hearing about this swine flu shit on the news and in the newspaper like it's the second coming of the bubonic plague.

It's THE FLU. Get over it.

It's all over the news here like 24 hours since Arizona is a border state, and apparently we now have people dropping dead in our emergency rooms from REAL problems because the ERs are crammed full of assholes who are terrified that they have swine flu because they ate a half slab of pork ribs at Chili's and got the shits six hours later. Like that's such a surprise.

My company sent out a super-urgent e-mail to every employee in the country on Thursday to "reassure" us that they have a "crisis-management team in place to deal with the outbreak of swine flu." Seriously? I mean, what did we just take a chunk of that TARP money and use it to hire a bunch of out-of-work school nurses? WTF MAN!?

Oh, and it's also not "swine flu" anymore because the fucking pork industry threw a shit fit, so now it's "H1N1" flu. Not only do you ruin my day with this hysteria, but you're making me say three redundant syllables when I'm forced to discuss this shit now just so the sales of sausage patties at Bob Evans doesn't suffer? Blow me.

Everybody needs to get a fucking grip. Using the WHO's own reported, confirmed statistics for Mexico and the USA, they're reporting 421 confirmed cases of this shit in Mexico with 16 deaths, and 161 confirmed cases in the US with one death. Even if you throw out the US statistics on the assumption that dirty-ass Mexico likely has an inferior health care system, that's a mortality rate of...

3.8%

Are you fucking kidding me? THIS is what is eating up my world news cycle? THIS is the fucking GLOBAL PANDEMIC? The goddamn FLU, that kills a whopping 4% of the people who catch it!?

I can't help but be reminded of the South Park episode where the whole town gets SARS, and Stan's dad begs his son to find the cure, or else "...only 98% of us will live!" And at the end of the episode the "cure" for SARS turns out to be Campbell's chicken noodle soup, DayQuil, and Sprite. You know, that's probably the cure for swine flu too. If you don't want to die from swine flu, it's real simple: WASH YOUR FUCKING HANDS.

Global pandemic my ass. Something that only kills 3% of people in a developed nation isn't newsworthy. It's just natural selection. Seriously. We're just thinning the herd here people. When the monkeys at the San Diego Zoo all come down with ebola and start shitting blood and throwing it at the tourists...now THAT, my friends, will be news.

• 20:31 Fuck you Tony Almeida, you doublecrossing piece of shit! #
• 15:43 I'm old, my hairline is receding, and nobody loves me. I'm going to die alone! #
• 15:44 I think about this kind of stuff when I'm on the can making number two. #
• 15:45 I really am overpaid. Also, I need to stop eating so much jalepenos. #

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• 10:59 Fun with suffixes: dildo, dildoed, dildee, dildoey, dildoable, dildoiferous, dildosis, dildoism. #

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• 14:40 TWEET TWEET! I'm @ work, and I'm in the john sitting on the can. Twitter rules! #

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• 16:14 John Madden retired today. I'm so fucking sad. #
• 16:15 That means the last game he called was the Cardinals in the Super Bowl. #
• 16:17 I'm such a nerd. I almost feel like crying. Sundays won't be the same. #

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• 05:02 Almost to KC. Still killing time in Cleveland. I'm tired as hell. Having a yo-yo in your pocket makes security checkpoints fun! #
• 05:17 Man, there are some fugly people in Cleveland. I think I'm sitting next to Ma Fratelli's granddaughter. Yikes! It's an Addams Family reu ... #

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Leaving for the airport in 30 minutes!!

I'm so excited!

I was supposed to go out tonight with my ex to the Barrett-Jackson auction. For those of you not familiar, it's like the biggest, fanciest car show in the country for people who somehow have managed to still have more money than they know what to do with in this economy. They hold it every year out here, and it's a pretty big deal. The lame thing about it is that there's only two kinds of people who go to this thing: car lovers, and douchebags.

Actually, I'm pretty sure anyone who goes to the Barrett-Jackson and *isn't* ASE certified, is automatically a douchebag just for walking in the door. It's just like the Phoenix Open (or whatever the fuck they call it these days), where people from all over the Valley go to it and talk about it reverentially, even if they don't like golf, just so they can...I dunno...smugly tell people they were there. Here's an example of your typical exchange with one of these people:

SuperChad: "I went to Barrett-Jackson last night, bro!"
Me: "You don't even like cars."
SuperChad: "It was hella sweet!"
Me: "You are a huge douchebag."

I said I was *supposed* to go, because my ex bailed on me and screwed me over at the last second, so here I am all dressed up with nowhere to go. By "dressed up," I mean I bought a pair of faded jeans, because faded jeans are for assholes, and I wanted to fit in.

Anyway, now I'm home wearing these d-bag jeans and getting buzzed by myself on a six-pack of Blue Moon - which is good because it's taking the edge of my being super pissed off about having my evening fucked over. I've been watching The History Channel all day, because it's interesting and it got me to looking up some stuff on Wikipedia about American history.

So, I was reading up on Abraham and Robert Todd Lincoln. Apparently, on more than one occasion, someone tried to steal Lincoln's dead body with the plan to hold it for ransom. I find that interesting, mostly because I'd never heard that before. Anyway, reading about Lincoln's Tomb in turn leads me to look up "Grant's Tomb."

Before I go any further, let me set this up. Grant's Tomb is, obviously, the tomb of Ulysses S. Grant, and is probably best known by people my age and older from Looney Tunes and other cartoons. Back in the day, Groucho Marx (kill yourself if you don't know who that is) used to ask people on his quiz show "Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?" Certainly I'm not old enough to have seen Groucho Marx on TV, but Bugs Bunny, when he was spoofing Groucho, used to ask his various foils the same question. "Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?"

"Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?"

Now, I used the word "obviously" above because unless you're a retard, it would stand to reason that "Grant" would be buried in "Grant's Tomb." Having said that, let me admit to you now that until I typed "Grant's Tomb" into the Wiki search box and hit the "Enter" button on my keyboard, if you would have asked me "Who's buried in Grant's Tomb?" I would have immediately, without reservation nor hesitation, answered with complete, and utter confidence: "George Washington."

In fact, the reason I was looking up "Grant's Tomb" was because I was curious as to why George Washington's final resting place was called "Grant's Tomb."

I find it both hilarious AND ironic, that the very source of my confusion over who, exactly, is buried in Grant's Tomb, is given in the final paragraph of the Wikipedia entry for "Grant's Tomb." (Which tells me I must not be the only one!)

From Wikipedia:
"In the Woody Woodpecker cartoon "Ballyhooey" Woody was asked, while on a television quiz show, "Who is buried in Grant's Tomb?" Woody responded "Napoleon!" The MC of the show replied, "Wrong — it was George Washington!" As a consolation prize, Woody was given a trip to the South Pole."

My entire life, I've thought George Washington was buried in Grant's Tomb because I saw that cartoon when I was like, five years old.

Seriously?


The Craft of War: BLIND from percula on Vimeo.

This video is 200% win.

Halloween is my mom's birthday, so I'm heading to Cincinnati this weekend to see her!  I better not forget the card!

See you all on Monday!

I downloaded the game and am playing on a free 14-day trial account.  It seems extremely micro-managey and overly complex.  I've wasted about an hour messing with it and doing the tutorial.  I was sad to learn that the space combat really isn't pewpew twitch-based.  I'm disappointed.  When is anybody ever going to make a persistent world MMO that requires actual reflexes and skill?  I vaguely remember the ship combat in SWG as being decent, albeit repetitive.

Nonetheless, it's occupying me for the time being, which is always a good thing.

After all these years, I still miss Planetside. :(

Just once in my life, I wish I could get all dressed up, and dance the waltz with someone.

If I ever find true love, I'm using THIS POEM to propose.

THIS BOOK is on my bookshelf.  It has been read, but never put to use.

Which reminds me...I bought something similar to THIS once figuring someday, I would serve someone breakfast in bed.  I still have it, though it also has never been used.  I bought it 10 years ago.

I find it both depressing and somewhat embarrassing, that my bed totally slopes to one side.

...

I see a theme in these so-called random musings.  Not so random after all.  I will blame the fact that I am vaguely sick and feverish tonight.  I think I have the flu.

Also, I will deny I ever said any of this stuff  TO YOUR FACES if you ever bring it up in the future.

It seems I am not alone in my interest for John McCain's smokin' hot running mate. Not by a long shot.

Check this article out courtesy of TIME magazine: Searching for Palin's 'Hot Photos'

I found it incredibly funny.  Do you suppose maybe McCain *wasn't* after women's votes after all?  How crafty.  ;)

The first time few times I heard this song...



It reminded me a lot of *this* song.





Discuss.

I just had a rather embarrassing moment.

So, I went to lay by the pool this afternoon to get some sun while I still can.  After about an hour spent reading my book, I decide to get up and go.  I bend over to grab my t-shirt, and I suddenly hear this LOUD BUZZING IN MY EARS.

This is where I mention that I'm slightly phobic about bugs.  Especially the large, stinging wasp variety that can often be found loitering near pools in the summer.  >.>

So I reflexively bob and weave my head, and when the buzzing persists, I swat the air around me to no avail.  At this point, feeling particularly beset upon, I let out a decidedly unmanly shriek, attracting the attention of the other people in the pool area.

Standing up, my assailant hovers into view.  I don't know what they're called, but we have these very large shiny green scaraby looking bugs that transplanted easter-coasters like to call "june bugs."  They're not actually june bugs, but they pretty much are the desert-dwelling equivalent, and they like to live in palm trees.  They're big, loud, and as un-aerodynamic as they look, and therefore unpredictable.  They fly about as well as Woodstock on "Peanuts."

So there it is.  A huge-ass stupid june bug is buzzing erratically around my head.  Just because it's harmless doesn't mean I like the fucking thing, as they are rather huge and loud and menacing looking.  Forgetting that I'm in a public place, and feeling angry and ashamed at being made to squeal like pussy by this stupid bug, I proceed to take the Lord's name in vain and unleash a string of profanity at it that would make a sailor blush.

JESUS CHRIST!  FUCK YOU!  GET THE FUCK OUTTA MY FACE YOU FUCKING BITCH!

I wield my t-shirt like a mace and swing violently it, chasing it away.  Because you know, nothing says "tough guy" quite like vengefully attacking a harmless bug like a maniac.

MOTHERFUCKER.

At this point I realize that everybody at the pool is probably giggling at me behind my back, watching this guy scream like a bitch and and then utterly lose it over a stupid bug.  I know this because once the bug is gone, *I'm* finding it hard not to laugh.  So I don't dare turn around, because if I so much as see one person looking at me, I'm going to crack up laughing hysterically.  I put my shirt on and try hard to stifle the snickering, which only makes things worse.  The harder you try to hold back the giggles, the worse it gets.  Luckily I escaped the vicinity of the pool with what little tattered shreds of my dignity I could muster.

You better not be laughing either!  It wasn't funny.  That was bullshit.

I'm officially voting for John McCain and I so hope he wins.  That way I can spend the next four years fantasizing about having sex with the Vice President in the Oval Office.



I'd hit it.